Techniques and Last Words

# 1 - Writing Techniques:

• ** Avoid alliteration. Always.
• ** Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
• ** Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
• ** Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
• ** Contractions aren't necessary.
• ** Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• ** One should never generalize.
• ** Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
• ** Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
• ** Be more or less specific.
• ** One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• ** Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• ** Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• ** Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• ** Who needs rhetorical questions?
• ** Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

# 2 - Famous Last Words...

• ** It's fireproof.
• ** He's probably just hibernating.
• ** What does this button do?
• ** It's probably just a rash.
• ** Are you sure the power is off?
• ** The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
• ** Pull the pin and count to what?
• ** Which wire was I supposed to cut?
• ** I wonder where the mother bear is.
• ** I've seen this done on TV.
• ** I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
• ** Let it down slowly.
• ** It's strong enough for both of us.
• ** This doesn't taste right.
• ** I can make this light before it changes.
• ** Nice doggie.
• ** I can do that with my eyes closed.
• ** I've done this before.
• ** Duck!
• ** Well, we've made it this far.
• ** That's odd.
• ** Don't be so superstitious.
• ** Now watch this.