A COLLECTIVE FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND (WE ARE AFRAID) A DOCTOR OR TWO AT MAJOR HOSPITALS
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
The skin was moist and dry
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
She is numb from her toes down
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress
Patient was alert and unresponsive
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room
A recent one - and real (identifying details have been changed to protect the guilty):
A guy was brought into the ER quite intoxicated and combative. The medical record showed that his name was Church Moore. ER staff couldn't get his attention - he didn't respond to "Mr Moore" or "Church." While he was getting x-rays, someone looked at the police call report - the guy's name was Frank Smith, he had been picked up on the corner of Church and Moore Streets
Docco