For Sale

The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in U.S.
 Newspapers:
 
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 ONE MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB-- $850/offer
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 SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
 ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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 FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD-PART DOG
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 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
 1 5-FINGER, 1 3-FINGER, PAIR: $15
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 COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
 ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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 FREE PUPPIES:
 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
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 GERMAN SHERHERD 85 LBS.
 NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE
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 FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
 20 YR WARRANTY.
 LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL
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 FOR SALE
 LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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 FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
 LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
 BEEN OUT AWHILE..
 BETTER BE REWARD.
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 HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
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 HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
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 GEORGIA PEACHES
 * CALIFORNIA GROWN -
 89 CENTS LB.
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 NICE PARACHUTE:
 NEVER BEEN OPENED - USED ONCE
 SLIGHTLY STAINED
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 FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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 AMERICAN FLAG
 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED
 $100
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 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
 WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
 STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
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 NOTICE:
 TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR
 SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.
 PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.
 ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
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 EXCERCISE EQUIPMENT:
 QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175
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 JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 MUST SELL WASHER AND DRYER - $300
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 GROUND BEAST: 99 CENTS LB.
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 KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 BOX