Unknown sources. Maybe true, maybe just creative writing. Hope they bring a smile.

I stole the list from Bill Duncan at the Capital Press (www.The Capital Press .com)

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.

Bottomless pit of needs and wants.

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Better living through denial.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

Back off! You're standing in my aura.

Adults are just kids who owe money.

I have a computer and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Not all people are annoying. Some are dead.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

I plead contemporary insanity.

And which seven dwarfs are you?

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier

This page created and maintained by Dave Palmer

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