• 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
• 2. A day without sunshine is like . night.
• 3. On the other hand . you have different fingers.
• 4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 6. Remember half the people you know are below average.
• 7. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• 8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• 9. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• 10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• 11. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
• 12. I intend to live forever -- so far so good.
• 13. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
• 14. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.
• 15. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going the wrong way.
• 16. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• 17. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• 18. Never do card tricks for the group with whom you play poker.
• 19. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• 21. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• 22. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
• 23. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• 24. Change is inevitable . except from vending machines.
• 25. Get a new car for your spouse -- it'll be a great trade!
• 26. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
• 27. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
• 28. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• 29. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

This page created and maintained by Dave Palmer

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