Some of these I've seen before and there are some good new ones.

Murphy's Real Laws . . . .

• 1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• 3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
• 4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• 5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
• 6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• 7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
• 8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
• 9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• 10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• 11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
• 12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower".
• 13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
• 14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• 15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• 16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
• 17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
• 18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
• 19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
• 20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
• 21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• 22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
• 23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• 24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
• 25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
• 26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
• 27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.
• 28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
• 29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
• 30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
• 31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
• 32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

This page created and maintained by Dave Palmer
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